I have eaten more cookies in the past 3 days that any mortal should admit to stuffing her face with.

My poison? Subway's Chocolate Chunk cookies. You can bet that those cookies are not what that Jared guy ate to lose all that weight.

And I've also been indulging in Double Stuf Fudgee-Os. Terrible.

Instead of beating myself up though, I'm probably going to have a few Fudgee-Os and call it a night soon. Blah.

In other news I joined this group on the WW forum that is in the "100 pounds + to lose" category. I have to remind myself to check the site every day to get (keep?) the motivation high.

As you can tell I'm not having a good night.

Posted at 21:27 | |

I had a great week! I was back in at Curves 3 times, plus I resisted buying junk food at the mall.

For me, it is baby steps.

Posted at 19:57 | |

I was unable to go to Curves for my third time last week because the path I take to Curves was still flooded (we had a record amount of rainfall 3 days prior). Now, if I had woken up earlier I could have taken the bus there and gotten there in time but I had only 30 minutes before Curves closed for the day.

Speaking of, I wish Curves was open longer on Saturdays and maybe even on Sunday. I don't work as late on the weekend so it would be awesome.

Also, I'm still not quite an early morning riser so working out first thing has yet to appeal to me. However, with the way my shifts are going, it might be best to get up early and "get it over with" even though I do enjoy Curves.

Here's hoping this week is full of healthy choices and at least 3 visits to Curves.

I haven't been measured since June, not that there is any noticeable change in my size but hopefully I've lost inches. I just know it's time to get on a low carb diet. I know it yet I resist it.

Posted at 00:47 | |

I ended up leaving work too late to go to Curves. That means it'll be Thursday, Friday and Saturday morning for me!

I'm working on the eating breakfast thing; starting with an apple each day. Tomorrow is day 2.

This blog needs some TLC...hopefully by the end of next week I'll have had some time for it.

Posted at 02:04 | |

Instead of continuing that last entry below about the Bahama Mama Challenge, I will write another entry when my eyes aren't about to be glued shut.

I just wanted to share that I have finally noticed a weight loss: 4.3lbs!!!

I have never lost weight so that's pretty amazing. I feel like my arms are more toned and, wonder of wonders, my bust seems to be shrinking too.

Imagine what would happen if I combined Curves with a healthy plan? I'm getting psyched!

Posted at 23:52 | |

I joined the Bahama Mama challenge but I guess my start date is a bit later than the others because I have yet to really adhere to any of my plans.

To be continued...

Posted at 13:10 | |

I read other people's blog for inspiration. I'm now finding that when I'm feeling blue and insignificant, it isn't always best to read someone else's diary/blog and read about how wonderful their life is going because that makes me envious and just increases my bad moodiness.

I made it to Curves 3 times last week which makes me happy. Weight is still exactly the same because I still haven't tackled the the #1 problem: food.

I had a fight with my dad tonight (and it's his birthday!) because I feel like he's too hard on me. He thinks that because I'm 25 and all my friends are well established on what they want to do with their lives that I should be two. At the moment I am working two part time jobs and searching for work (albeit, sluggishly) but he wants me to look harder. He mentioned that he was married to my mom by the time she was 23 so I guess he thinks it's a bit uncool that I'm still single with nary a prospect in sight.

I told him he concerns himself too much with me, that I've got two university degrees this past June and I just need some more time to get my act together. I want to go at my own pace, not be forced into it. I'm still so angry as I write this so I better stop so I avoid saying things I might regret. Suffice it to say my dad and I have always clashed and though I know deep down he wants me to be the best I can be, and he believes that I can do anything I want, I don't like his methods.

I haven't even tried explaining to him how worthless and unaccomplished I feel next to my smart friends who have cars, boyfriends, jobs, more education, and that his pointing out that I'm not at their level doesn't help me one bit.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

Posted at 00:25 | |

My right foot's big toe has been feeling a bit tingy for a while but as usual with things that might need medical attention, I ignored it.

I started to notice that the tingliness has spread and it's freaking me out so I will be going to see a doctor, hopefully tomorrow.

I'm afraid it might be a sign of being diabetic and I'm quietly freaking out. I know my sugar intake has been wild and I'd almost deserve to get sick because I do know better but c'mon! Can I have another chance please.

I'm almost too scared to look up what this could be symptoms of online but I think I better, just to be sure.

I'll be going to Curves after work today.

Posted at 12:15 | |

I went to a wedding this past weekend. The bride was lovely and slim and absolutely healthy looking.

I am thankful that only one picture was taken of me beside her because I don't think I'd be able to look at any more than the one.

I look COMPLETELY disgusting. I am huge and bloated and just hideous! It makes me sick. I think I should print it out and look at it every time I want to binge.

Posted at 11:36 | |

Yes, you read that correctly on the right hand side. I went to Curves 3 times this week! Yay! Maybe I can even make it four for the first time ever and wake up early tomorrow morning and go. I'll set my alarm for 7:45am and see what happens.

I definitely feel the need to increase my physical activitiy and that running program is tempting me more each day. I know I need to go get proper running shoes though but I could definitely use the ones I have for a while. I'm sure there are plenty of resources out there for people who want to learn to run but at the same time I'm leaning toward joining a group because of the accountability built into it. We'll see.

Posted at 18:03 | |

So this was another dismal week on the Curves front. I only got to Curves that one time.

My stomach seems to be expanding daily. It could be due to that carton of icecream I finished in a week, or the sucrose laden treats I continue to stuff my face with as if I'm a kid, who knows?

Thank God for tomorrows and new beginnings.

Posted at 02:46 | |

Yes! I think I'm back on the Curves boat!

Posted at 13:32 | |

I know this is just a fleeting emotion but I am feeling so unloved and hideous right now. I can't imagine any man ever falling for me and unfortunately I have no proof that this state I'm in will ever change.

The thoughts in my head alternate between thinking that I am too fat to be loved or found attractive, to me thinking that it's not my weight that keeps them men away but something more serious.

I'm 25. I have been on so few dates that I can't hardly recall. I've never been in a real relationship. Never had to agonize over how to introduce a guy to my friends and family, what to get him for a birthday or any other occasion. I've never had an anniversary to celebrate. Never had to have those serious talks. Never had someone waiting to pick me up after work.

Lately I just feel so lonely. Maybe it's the weddings I'm going to this summer. Maybe it's seeing my best friend with the man she'll be marrying next year. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm 25 and everyone else my age seems to be on the way to securing their future. Whatever it is I hope I find a way out of this rut or get some positivity soon.

PS I didn't go to Curves Thursday.

Posted at 01:14 | |