It has been a good long while since I last updated.

Since last July, I have gained back the 10-11 pounds I lost by doing Curves and not really changing my eating habits.

On February 4 of this year, I decided to join a conventional gym. The goal was to join a place where I'd do more cardio and still get the strength training benefits. And classes, I love taking classes.

So far my attendance has been sporadic. I've attended twice this week [Sunday and yesterday] and intend to go tomorrow. My bare minimum is 3 times a week. I can already see that this is going to be a long battle for me: I was using the precor machine and my half an hour on the machine amounts to 400 calories burned. At this rate I will need to work out on the machine 7 days a week and cut down on my caloric intake to burn a single, measly pound!

This week I have also tackled my food. I'm allowed to eat any candy that's currently in the house but no new candy is allowed in. Chocolate is an item that I seem to have a bit more control over, though not much more. bEcause of Bulk Barn, however, I can theoretically just buy a serving's worth if I'm craving sweets.

And I crave sweets constantly. Right now I know I'm not hungry but I could easily devour a whole bag of treats.

Breaking the habit is going to be hard.

Posted at 13:32 | |

I have not gone to Curves in six weeks.

I was supposed to go today and had all my stuff at work but guess what?

I gave up work out time for "chatting to a boy" time. Even though I had already talked to him at length. Ironically, even if he did live here I would not meet him because I don't feel comfortable with my weight. Which follows that I'd have been better off working out than talking to him.

I only managed to sneak in the tiniest of walks today and I'm currently stuffing my face with Mike and Ikes. 226g of them. And the rate I'm eating them at, hardly digesting, would be disturbing were I on the outside looking in.

I have a problem. An open bag is an empty bag. When I'm craving sucrose it doesn't matter that I've eaten an entire bag of the stuff: the fact that there is another bag lying somewhere, within my grasp, makes me gobble down my current treat, only to delve into the next bag of toxic food.

How do I recover?

Posted at 22:53 | |

This is my fourth week of not attending Curves.

My self image has been horrible this month.

Coincidence? I think not

Posted at 15:04 | |

The sugar addiction is in full force.

This week 2 in a row that I have shunned Curves.

I'm worried I won't fit into the bridesmaid dress. Speaking of, I should go and try that bad girl on on Saturday.

My birthday is in two days. I'm excited!

Posted at 16:08 | |

My goal for the next 5 days: keep track of my points.

Posted at 10:47 | |

Time flies.

I did make it in to Curves 3 times last week. My body was begging to stay in bed last Saturday morning but I dragged it out of bed and it thanked me (though I never did hear the thank you).

And then this week. By Wednesday night I still hadn't gotten in to Curves which means I'd have to go Thursday, Friday and Saturday in order to get in my three times this week. And I was working Thursday night! So I made myself wake up earlier and go in the morning (Luckily my work isn't too horrible about me showing up late as long as I make up the hours). I'll be heading to Curves shortly and hopefully I'll be able to wake up early again tomorrow morning and squeeze in some exercise before work.

My ww experience so far would not be called a success. I had a 4lb loss the first week (fluke) but since then I've been up every week. So far it's been: Week 1: 266lbs Week 2: 262lbs Week 3: 264lbs Week 4: 265.5lbs I haven't been keeping track of my points or anything so I shouldn't be surprised and really I'm not. Here's hoping that I start off next week on the right foot. I'd like to record a loss for next week!

Have a great weekend, all!

Posted at 16:22 | |

Exactly two months since my last post and what has changed?

My weight is still in the low 260s.

I have been eating sugar like it's going to be discontinued.

I joined weight watchers last week.

I wrote down the points I ate on day one (my allowed points limit is 30) and I had eaten...wait for it...68 points worth of food! Well no wonder I'm a porker overweight: if I'm eating two to three times my required amount, it makes sense that it's piling up on my body.

I joined Curves for another 4 month stretch. I have recommitted to attending Curves 3 times a week. It's hard to believe that this Friday (May 13) will be a year since I joined Curves. Am I really slimmer? Nope. My arms are a bit firmer but overall I'm the same. I'm certainly the same size.

Ok, ok. I weigh less than I used to and I can run a lot easier. It has been helpful to attend Curves.

Now I've heard the "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" quote before and I've laughed it off as cheesy but seriously: when I eat a 200g bag of skittles, what percentage would I say I'm really eating for the deliciousness of it and not just because it's there? I'd say the first 20-30g. So why don't I just divide up my bag into 8-10 servings, and eat the smaller portion as I crave it?

Because an open bag is an empty bag with me. I cannot just stop stuffing my face once the bag is open.

Other things I need to stop doing:

• keeping junkfood in my room
  
• lying on my bed for any activity other than sleeping
  
• eating past 8pm
  
• taking the elevator (I'm getting pretty good at work but sometimes I convince myself that I deserve to take the elevator because I've got a heavy bag to carry or becasue I went for an extra long walk)
  
• bring my lunch (I will admit right here that this might be impossible for me to do)
  
• Up the veggie intake

Posted at 16:15 | |

I wish I was one of those girls, who, when confronted with disappointment in love, threw herself into an exercise/healthy eating regime.

As it stands now, on Wednesday, I will be going to Curves for the first time this week.

Oh, and I've totally gained...back in the 260s. I know now why I was so reluctant to posting my lowest weight in a long while--darn fluctuations!

Posted at 09:13 | |

I'm still trying to get into the swing of writing here more often. My eating habits are still bad, though the addition of milk to my diet seems to be sticking. My veggie intake is still abysmally low, as is my fruit intake.

Not last week but the week before, I only went to Curves twice. So, I told myself that I wouldn't count that as breaking my streak if I went 4 times last week. Well I was thisclose to actually doing it but Saturday morning came too soon and my bed was so warm. I didn't even feel any guilt over it so I guess I'm on a new streak now...unless I feel like being nice to myself and giving myself another week to catch up.

My Curves has also decided to stop giving Curves bucks for attending 3 times a week, stretching, and bringing indoor shoes. I found that was a really motivating incentive so I hope that I'm still motivated by the health benefits of working out. I think I will be but I liked having that something extra, too.

I still read you all and I'm encouraged by your successes! Keep it up!

***

We ordered bridesmaid dresses and I have my fingers crossed that my dress will be a size too big by the time they come in. That would be such a great feeling. My dress is the plainest of them all. At first I was going to get one of the fancier ones that will look stunning on a size 8 or 10 person but I decided I might as well get something more simple, but that I will look alright in. It's a pretty flattering cut, with decent straps and a wrapped waist which will both give me the illusion of a waist and slim me down. I hope, anyway.

Posted at 23:13 | |

Wow, another week and two days has gone by since the last entry and what do I have to report?

Well, I've made milk a regular beverage in my diet. I'm not ever going to be addicted to drinking milk but I now drink it to start the day. I have at least two cups a day, and sometimes I have cereal as well which adds at least another cup and brings my daily total to 24 ounces.

I've been very bad on the snack front. I went to Walmart with a friend last night and I stocked up on all the not so good stuff: skittles (too many bags to mention), cookies, Mike and Ike's...it's disgraceful, really. The cashier had to say "Oh, we've got a skittles fan here, eh?" to which I sort of embarassedly smiled.

This sugar craving of mine will never go away unless I make efforts to reduce it. Buying a small bag of skittles because I crave them is one thing. Buying enough skittles to last me a couple of months and then eating a week's supply in one day is not good. But no worries, I'm not beating myself up.

I should change that counter on the right to reflect my current weight. I'm back up, 258.5lbs. And climbing.

I had made an appointment to see my doctor for a physical two days ago but they called to cancel. I know I should go get checked out for diabetes in particular and ensure that this addiction to sugar has not ruined my health. I'm trying to reschedule.

I got a job, though not one exactly in my field (biochemistry/arts). I am looking forward to the better pay and to learning a lot about the psychosocial aspects of terrorism. My boss' area of study sounds extremely fascinating.

My plans for later today (after a delicious night's sleep) is to go to Curves, then bridesmaid gown fitting (not for myself, of course, they don't have dresses in store in my size), then skating! I haven't skated in at least seven years so this should be interesting. Here's hoping I don't break a leg!

Posted at 01:12 | |

It has been a month and a half and I am sorry for being away for so long.

I've had some successes. I got weighed/measured on January 13th or so and I had lost 10 or 11 pounds and some inches since the May before. Slow progress? Yes. My eating habits have never been anything worth bragging about and I am certain that's why the weight loss is not greater.

I weighed myself last week and last night and I'm weighing in at 256lbs. I have no idea when I was last that weight because after a certain weight, say, 200lbs, I never kept an eye on how the weight crept up on me.

I started back at Curves the week of January 17th, I believe, so I think this is my fourth week that I started on Wednesday. I will start keeping track as I used to again, just to make myself accountable.

Also, I'm trying to get 3 servings of dairy a day. I'm as likely to choose 2% milk as I am to choose chocolate milk, so that's good. Has anyone else noticed that it's very difficult to find an ice cold carton of milk? I have yet to drink milk that's ice cold and truly refreshing. Maybe I'm just shopping in the wrong places or the refrigeration systems in Canada are faulty when it comes to dairy products.

Anyhow, that's all I'll say for now. I hope all of you trying to lose have been having success.

Posted at 23:55 | |

I've been totally lax in my updates on here. And for good reason.

I got sick last Monday (December 6) and am still sick. As a result I haven't been to Curves for nearly two weeks.

The streak is broken. Luckily, that doesn't mean a bigger and better streak can't be started.

I look forward to getting back on the wagon next weeek, right in time for Christmas.

IN other news, a woman came by the store almost a month ago and she said she had lost 165 pounds through weight w@tchers and exercise in 15 months! It's incredible; I was shocked.

And now joining WW is looking better and better.

Posted at 02:04 | |

10 weeks! Hurray!

Yes, food is still a no go.

Posted at 00:23 | |

I'm having one of those weeks where I feel utterly ugly and very very fat.

I can't believe I go out in public and don't hide myself in shame.

I am going to be the maid of honour in a wedding coming up in 9 months. We went shopping for bridesmaids dresses this past weekend and I was the only one who couldn't fit into anything. It was mortifying, especially because I tried to fit into something that *should* have been my size but wasn't fitting over my sausage arms.

It was not at all fun. Now I have to go and find a store that might have bigger sizes. Another hassle I could have avoided if I wasn't such a fat@ss.

******

My food plan hasn't quite come together yet but this week I'm going to start writing down what I eat with a friend. I hope that goes well and gives me some accountability.

Posted at 03:47 | |

I've been spending a lot of my spare time working on getting my Movable Type blog up and running that I haven't really spared much thought to writing about my dieting challenges of late.

I completed week 8 of straight working out, which is great. I still hadn't gotten to Curves by Wednesday, which is horrible, since I try to go 3x a week, and I knew I was working Saturday so that if I didn't go Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, my streak would be broken.

I pushed myself to get to Curves, even walking from the bus station because the bus would get me there too late to complete the 30 workout and stretch in time (ie, before they closed). It was one of those nights where I was so weighed down with bags and stuff from a long day of work that I was tempted to just go home to my warm and cosy house.

But I didn't. And I'm glad. I was the last one to leave and by the time I was finished my stretches, it was 15 minutes after closing. I apologized of course. Luckily the person working there was scheduled till 8:30pm, anyway, and she said I wasn't in her way.

I'm trying to start the Curves diet but I have yet to. I got the member guide and have the list of foods to purchase. I just have to do it: buy all those veggies, wash them up and have them ready to go.

One thing that I did start doing is drinking one glass of milk a day, in the form of the slim fast shake. I have been so bad at getting some calcium and at eating breakfast that this sort of combines the two.

You know me, queen of the baby steps.

Posted at 19:15 | |

It's been a while since I posted an honest to goodness entry so here goes.

In my diary I wrote about how I'm single because I'm fat. I wasn't writing to criticize men who aren't attracted to overweight women (especially since I myself am not attracted to obese men) but I think I still hoped that I would meet a guy who woulnd't mind dating me, flubber and all.

Fast forward to this morning. I sat down on this computer chair and looked into the mirror to my left (the computer is in a room with a glass door for a closet) and I looked at myself. Really looked at myself.

I'm disgusting! I'm like a budha when I sit down, rolls and all. I don't want anyone to be attracted to me looking like this because I really disgust myself. When I'm standing up I feel like "Oh, it's not that bad" but sitting down, I cannot deny that my (braless) boobs hang down to my stomach and my thighs are fawking huge. It's just plain gross. I was going to put off starting the Curves diet until November 1 but I'm grossed out enough to start now.

Posted at 12:25 | |

This is week five of working out 3 times a week! Woo!

Posted at 01:15 | |

It's October already.

I'm going to be Maid of Honour in a wedding in just over 10 months. I've told myself that I don't want to be this size at the wedding. But still, my eating is out of control. Yes, I haven't had skittles in a while but I have had gummie bears, real fruit gummies, Hershey kisses, corn chips, popcorn, Jolly Ranchers, Tim Horton's cookies (the huge smile ones)...I think you get my drift.

And I need to start keeping a food diary on a regular basis for accountability purposes. I'm not feeling accountable yet. What the hell's it going to take me to finally give up my love affair with sweets?

Posted at 01:59 | |